Sometimes I go back
finding all the ways you would look through me
singing for those who long
and search for clarity.
sometimes I go forward
only once did I fear death
6, you and me crying to Three’s company,
it’s you and me, our white star phase
now
I don’t think she’d take me
I was once young, and crummy,
my three families weren’t enough for me
it’s early, I’m stepping and standing
into all the complexity
into the sunshine, I’m acting girly
there’s truth and lies and
a past we all alllude to
an agreement to be everyone inside of me,
be in and on top of me
be yin and let me have bad days
be my rock but take my name,
take my hill.
I domino here every night,
don’t demon me as I lie with you
demand for me, raise your tongue,
walk my thousands of miles
u & urs
Lost in the sand, I'll rage again
I’ll plant my feet and fester, sing more
bless and god the people
chest and pressure check all secrets
then human you, I was like only ten
Captain, father,
it’s me, I’m young and in planes alone
it’s home and growth rituals on both floors
it’s crazy, I got good and wanted more bad
fever dreaming all my demons, you & yours
I look away, you ringing me up
waving your hands all in my face.
young man just holding his youth face
it’s all the same to be born again
it’s never rainy season
we just watch it all fade
mixed with all the gray clouds
for ten years I know we’ll
figure out rocket science and play date,
figure out I do’s and celibacy.
I figured out time
it’s like a flyer and I never need to leave
maybe is like two shoulders and, me
always wanting to be held up
nudging your breasts when I’m not tough
waiting for evening
a sunset to mourn and feel alive.
it’s the little morning
all the sideways and blue again.
Most times my baggage so heavy
I say you never been forced to be so strong
never been pounded on the floor
chests, throats
I want the views, I want them to replay
to my hills, the orange flowered hells
flavors of hell and liq on your spit,
to my blind eyes and all my love for you
collapsed souls, I knew your knees
I’m not really big on making choices,
but then there was day three
there was us, and you on my steps like high school
you in my lips when I’m afraid to fly
it’s all in the ears
from the water I’m bane, born,
I trust and I knew every bone
every black alley in the fading sunset.
I know, its days in the west and fake white-tees
no one likes me, I can’t help it
you in suits, me in leather dungaree
I want to be treated the way I treat you.
"PHANTASMAGORIA"
IN SHEA'S WORDS
Phantasmagoria gives you no choice but to pay attention. Let your mouth wrap itself around each distinct syllable, concentrated, something sacred that requires presence even if just briefly. With such a range of movement, I have to imagine this word is the spoken equivalent of the written layout placeholder “the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” where each letter of the alphabet is given a chance to shine. Phantasmagoria’s power exists in its ability to pack a punch in one word. It is devoted to its definition... but I’m getting ahead of myself.
Living life as an imperfect soul
it’s strange, I’m A-okay, though
there’s often ten of me. Number 4
he dance and sways on Saturdays
he was never wrong so I let him go,
he sees you blowing wind my way
being a sign, or sun on my black freckles
I resent it. I like face to face
I like being mirrors in front of mirrors
touching pink stripes and souls
black frames for up and down crunches
being duo, my duality is me #2
a good and bad Angel boy today.
But, still an angel even
when I’m down and out and slutty
and in different suns rooms at 3 am,
i’ll win again. One day, old friend,
one day there was changes
and all the brown leaves turned blue
lthe little lights on my mind
and maybe tomorrows
maybe when I’m home. & All alonely
where we all drowned in red lights
and my black jacket sleeves cover you,
even with these shoes and stepping 6,2
there’s power in pockets, and your hands,
grabbing me.
Comets come and go
fading shooting stars are my biggest fears
just enough lust in all my eyes
I cry on water waves as you blip by,
every big heartbeat and every hour
her comet comes and goes every 77.
Her comet comes and goes
I like the sun so I don’t mind
too black to tan, summers been too long,
a sun streaks down the wrong road
sunsets, afraid in skys i don’t know.
The thoughts come and go
I’m too tall to ride and wait out back
as we smoke in mystery and wander,
I call and you wander to me
cause I be lonesome from cheek to cheek
so, grab my tears
call on Sundays
wash and flush all the evidence away.
Like all my dreams, I’ve been here before
under stars and black skydomes
stepping out focused and filthy
stepping out needy, yes yes
there’s manic me, standing on arms in chairs
calling for my mind to come home,
all the stars and lightyear days
far away and fading out of sight.
I’m a little green pea
in the necks and pods I fear,
I fear sitting alone in lines on streets
always looking like
everyone around me.
Lots of little and lost lines
all thanks to my dirty work
my white tees
you thank me for
being your fool
giving gas and fuel when needed,
waking up and filming cam early
retreat, retreat
ms.desperado
dropped her little heart
well, me too. I should
I should go as far as
so so far, like,
this litltle medulla will take me
my little brain stem and mature me
I ask to steal and take me. Do remind me
how far can the soul land
overseas and in love
hoping I look over when
its two am and
there’s a new you.
it’s a new me
I feel visions and sunsets, too
I’m so excited and exhausted
all the running and growing
dropping a hint
just be a friend and come to me.
